2012. Because in case you didn’t know, my real life smile is massive and silly and toothy but also I look great in black lipstick so ner.
Took the bun out. Singing along to Loreen’s “Euphoria”.
I did it.
Something I am absolutely not ashamed to talk about is how amazing this album is to me and how important certain childhood associations are.
When I was a baby, this album hadn’t been out very long, but my mother used to sing parts of it to me, and in general leave the album on at night while I went to sleep on nights I found it otherwise difficult to. To this day, while ideally I prefer to sleep in silence, if I can’t sleep for whatever reason, I find this on YouTube, and play it quietly on my phone next to my pillow.
The album is Shepherd Moons by Enya and it remains one of my favourite albums for the sheer psychological calmness it brings to me. It’s like 45 minutes of total inner peace.
I am gaining quite a lot of followers lately so I just wanted to throw it out there that I’m sorry if your blog is quite similar to the things I would usually follow, but I don’t follow you - chances are it’s because you post horror/gore related stuff, and contrary to popular belief I really cannot handle stuff like that and don’t really want to have to see it more than the very odd occasion it pops up on my dashboard ^^’
My webcam never picks up how nice my make-up is unless I lean in really close. I’m also wearing red lipstick but my skin’s really bad atm so B&W it is.
I just watched my own videos on Youtube (lol) and I am thinking a few things. One is that I think I’m just going to delete “Silence” because that was something very relevant to that time in my life, and very personal in its own strange way, but really has no place within myself, or videos I want online, any longer. I am also debating deleting my “accent challenge” video because after watching it, like… seriously guys I sound NOTHING like that - the accent you hear is my “holy shit I am very intimidated, nervous and surrounded by people I don’t know and I don’t like it” voice. The way I speak is so much more relaxed than that. Seriously.
I remember uploading it and my best friend was like “wtf it’s so weird you don’t sound like that” haha.
BUT. Deleting those videos comes with a new goal, which is going to be super hard to keep to in this room with such poor lighting, and always feeling tired or overworked or just in general lethargic and/or nervous about it… but I am actually thinking of making a “proper” YouTube channel, where I post videos more often, I said I would in that accent challenge video but life got in the way. The first few will no doubt just be really amateur and possibly boring, but my housemate did say he’d help me learn how to use editing software so I can learn how to do that shit, and yeah.
I need more positive things in my life. This is the kind of thing that will either end up being a significant waste of time, or exactly that - a positive thing.
I’m too tired to faff around with it all tonight but if any of you are, for some reason or other, interested in watching all of the two videos I currently have uploaded (which, as I said, I will probably delete), you can find them either by clicking the “Video Kid” link in my Tumblr description, or by clicking here.
I might see if I can change the URL from EmmaCadavra27 (27 is my favourite number) to just EmmaCadavra for the sake of ease.
Longer post than I expected to make.
Drinking wine, playing with make-up and messy unwashed pigtails.
I was feeling pretty contemplative while walking home in the pouring rain.
It occurred to me, thanks to various songs playing on shuffle, that despite how… opposed I am, for lack of a better term, to organised religion, I frequently find myself obsessed with religious imagery and ideology - particularly that of the Christian and Catholic faith.
It’s not rocket science to suppose why, really. I mean, walk by any old church and you would have to be quite boring not to notice and admire the beauty of the architecture - both of and inside these churches, the beautiful stained glass, the cold sturdy stone, the high beamed ceilings…
And Catholic churches! I’m not certain what a modern one would look like but certainly in older buildings I find it hard not to be overwhelmed by the grandeur and glory of the gold and the murals and the painted ceilings and organised pews and spectacularly carved pillars and alters… the same very much goes for cathedrals - if not more so.
The organs always mesmerise me.
It seems such a shame that such a wealth of beauty, such design and riches, would be spoiled by the select persons who frequent these places.
If there is one thing I can admit, it is that I find myself in total awe, and quietly understand (no, not understand, but fathom) that these things have been built and put in place for the magnificence and glory, or so they say, that their God might represent.
My pointless, pretentiously worded, spilling of thoughts for the night.
Once I was seventeen and adorable.
As I said I would, here is my (not 100% sober okay) handwriting.
Missing a line versus not missing a line. This is why my teachers hated me when we had to write essays by hand.
1/36 older »
“Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell;
And in the lowest deep a lower deep,
Still threat’ning to devour me, opens wide,
To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heaven.”
John Milton, Paradise Lost (Book IV)